Coveting

There is no doubt that coveting is bad. It ranks right up there with some of the big sins and I think that is because it makes one dissatisfied with their life and the blessings God has given them. However, I hear in my head the scripture that says, "But covet earnestly the best gifts; and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way." (1 Corinthians 12:31) I covet wisdom.

I am not a wise person. Daily interactions reinforces that to me. I wish I had the ability to reach into some mental file marked "Wisdom" and pull out the answers that I so desperately need. I found myself today in such a situation where I groped for the wisdom file and there was nothing inside. Frustration! Disappointment! Fear! Was I creating a potential disaster because I was acting without the temperance of wisdom?

What I do know is that my lack of wisdom forces me to seek out God and beg for His wisdom to be poured out on me. I would love that blessing to be mine in the form of the words that spring out of my mouth, but in recent situations, wisdom comes from those around me and I am wise enough to listen.

I covet wisdom.

Jumping to Conclusions

Is it a female thing or just a me thing that I jump to conclusions, to the worse case scenario? A friend asked me today, "What's the best case and worse case?" I answered worse case first, with all the gory details and must have talked for five minutes, and then best case which only took one or two minutes to report. Why, why do I choose to live in the frustration and pain of the worse case scenario? Several years ago as my grandmother was dieing and my girl cousins and I kept a night vigil while our moms went home and didn't sleep, I somehow determined that I did not want to live like the Israelites. They must have had the WORST memories in all of history. I would embrace the blessings, remember them, proclain them; I would not dwell in the desert. In fact over the years I have made it a little of a mantra, "I will not be like the Israelites, I will not be like the Israelites." But my mantra fails in those moments when the worse case scenario looms large.

But I'm trying. This time, I chose a new a mantra, "I will trust, and I will not be afraid. I will trust and I will not be afraid." When doubt crept in, I whispered, "I will trust and I will not be afraid." When fear snickered I repeated, "I will trust and I will not be afraid." When scenes rolled behind my closed eyes I spoke, "I will trust and I will not be afraid."

I will trust and I will not be not be afraid.